Issues with Sex
by Kat Richter

Lego couple having sex

Are you bored with your sex life? Has your relationship lost its spark? If you find yourself thinking about your grocery list while you're doing the deed, it's time for an intervention. Fortunately, we're not going to lecture you about your bad habits (your partner can do that). Instead, we've put together six great tips to spice up your love life. Homework has never been so much fun!

Lower Your Expectations

First and foremost, you need to remember that this real life, not Sex and the City. As much as you may like the idea of swinging from a chandelier, most couples' sex lives pale in comparison to what the media would have us believe. Consider the numbers of products, toys, supplements, prescriptions and "therapies" available nowadays. Why so many? Because sex is complicated! If your sex life is starting to feel less-than-stellar, you can take some comfort in the fact that you're not the only ones.

Back in the day, scientists believed that the female orgasm was necessary for reproduction. By the Victorian era, however, it was discovered that this was not the case. (Interestingly enough, the modern vibrator was also invented during this period.)

Although the simultaneous orgasm is seen as the be all and end all of bedroom activities, it's not as common as you think. Studies have shown that many women never orgasm, even well into their fifties or sixties, at least not through intercourse. It's something most people simply don't talk about for fear of seeming inadequate. Are we saying you should give up trying? Absolutely not, but you should stop feeling as if there is something wrong with you or your partner.

Foreplay

In this day and age, foreplay should go without saying but if it's been a while for you and your partner, you may need a quick refresher course. Foreplay serves two main purposes: firstly, it can help your partner get in the mood (and this is especially true when it comes to women, as sex tends to be more of an emotional experience for females). Secondly, it can help ensure that your bodies are ready to go. The reason why many couples experience discomfort during sex is because they're not taking the time to... well, you know... lubricate their engines.

Experiment

It's easy to get into a routine when it comes to sex, especially if you've been together for a while. If you and your partner fall into this category, change it up! Experiment with different positions, angles and types of pressure. If you're always on top, try it on the bottom for once - you may be surprised by what you find. If you've already tried every possible position, maybe a change in location will do the trick. Experiment in the shower, on the couch or in a secluded spot outdoors. And don't overlook the importance of angles. Sometimes a difference of just an inch or two can make all the difference so try adjusting the position of your hips and see what happens.

Practice By Yourself

Practice makes perfect, but sometimes you need to practice alone. That's right folks: we're talking about masturbation. How can you tell your partner what you want if you don't know what you want? This is especially true for women; clitoral stimulation is often more important than anything else so figure out what you like and then guide your partner until he or she is able to replicate the sensation.

Give Feedback

Talking about sex is a great way to improve your performance in the bedroom but you need to pay attention to the other signals you're giving your partner as well. Faking an orgasm can help to speed things along if you're just not feeling it but it's not going to help your partner take you over the edge. In fact, the more you fake, the more mixed signals you're giving your partner.

If your partner is doing his or her job correctly, they should be paying attention to every sound you make, so don't confuse them by "praising" them for something that doesn't actually do it for you. Be sensitive but honest and if you like something, let your partner know. (And while we're on the subject, if you're on the receiving end a compliment, keep doing exactly what you're doing. "Yesssss!" does not mean "Faster!" or "Harder!" or "Flip me onto my stomach and spank me."   "Yessss!" means "I like what you're doing so please keep doing it.")

Spice Things Up

If all else fails, it may be time to introduce a little kink into your sex life. Bondage and role play can be a lot of fun, provided that both parties are comfortable with one another and open to exploring new things. Check out our articles on Bondage for Beginners and A Little Role Play to add a little spice and keep practicing.

Homework

  • Treat yourself (or your partner) to some new lingerie or sexy underwear. Confidence in your appearance often leads to confidence in the bedroom (which in turn leads to better sex).
  • Keep in mind that foreplay doesn't always have to be sexual. Take a look at our ideas about The Perfect Romantic Bath and 43 Kisses to set a romantic mood.
  • Feeling the need for a little inspiration? Pick up a copy of the Kama Sutra and try out at least five new positions.
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